It's been six months since I heard that voice. Six months since I was on the receiving end of that hug. Six months since I held her hand in the hospital, studied every line in it and memorized the color of the nail polish. Six months since my family and I stood at the cemetery and tried desperately to say goodbye. Six months since I returned to Washington and my life totally fell apart. And it still is, at intervals, every day.
I have been trying to grab the reigns for six months. Some days, they are at my fingertips, and others, there is absolutely NO hope in securing them. Some days, I can't bear the thought of six months growing into seven, then eight, then nine, and onto twelve. Then it will have been a year. I can't even fathom a year, much less two, and so on. The truth is, NOBODY is a professional when it comes to grieving. And even more truthful is the fact that 99% of the time, you have to handle it yourself. NOBODY can fix it for you. I'm going to step up here and admit that I've been doing an honorable job at doing just that.
Along with losing my mother (and my grandmother the day before), I have also managed to secure a great new job in the last six months. I have also been doing photography work with a new camera upgrade that I had been wanted for a long time. I have grown incredibly closer to my father and have supported him through a kidney transplant, while bonding with my sisters on a whole new level. I've come to realize that I have some of the best friends anybody could ask for, and I am lucky enough to be loved by one of the greatest men I know. On top of that, I have made it a point to try my hardest to laugh and enjoy life every day that I am blessed with it. I have also had an offer to frame and display some of my photography work in a local shop for potential sales and viewings. Overall, while I have felt easily at my worst, I have managed to, as they say, keep on trucking along.
I do it ALL for her. I miss her so much that it's brutally painful. I dream about her when I manage to get sleep. I occasionally get caught up in torturing myself with the inevitable "what if" scenarios. That's just human nature, and I excuse myself for it. I can't help but wonder if things had been different, or if I'd had children before she passed. If I'd been married, what would she have worn to my wedding, or the fact that when I do get married, she won't be in any of my pictures. THAT HURTS. I'd apologize to people that think grief has an expiration date for my sad blogs or my "debbie downer" facebook statuses, but there's really nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all. I lost someone who meant the world to me, someone who knew me better than anybody else, someone who loved me for every flaw. I lost my best friend. I LOST MY MOTHER. You only get one of those.
It was brought to my attention tonight, and innocently so, that I should be grateful for the time I had with her and think of those who never had what I had the chance to have. I completely agree. Wholeheartedly, but I also want to point out that I have never been ungrateful in regards to that scenario. I deeply feel for those who perhaps never knew their mother, and for those whose relationship with their mother isn't "perfect". Mine wasn't always, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world, and as grateful as I am to have had her for 27 years, that is a SHORT period of time. And as sad as all these situations are, I can't allow what I'm feeling, this period of grief and mourning that I deserve, to suddenly feel invalid or be undermined. It's only been six months.
If I'm still falling apart and haven't gotten it together somewhat in, say, the next ten, twenty, or thirty years, then I will definitely have been ungrateful for a great many years....but right now, I'm going to mourn her. I'm going to want her back. I'm going to cry and hurt and feel bitterness at times. I'm probably going to be sensitive to innocent propositions. (I know my friend meant no harm to me). I'm going to feel a bit insulted when some people expect me to suck it up sooner rather than later. (People have.) I'm going to see daughters shopping with their mothers and I'm going to wish it was me with my mother instead. These are just minor examples of things that will happen, and not because I even intend them to, but simply because they have been happening, and being a reasonable person, my guess is that they most likely will continue to, because six months is an AWFULLY short time.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day
I'm starting a bit of a trend with depressing holidays. Let's hope this is the last one for a little while!
I just needed somewhere to sort of word vomit how I'm feeling today, and hopefully it will help me get it out and be fine. I've been having a small conversation about today with friends on facebook, but the conversation is so stilted and written in short answers, so naturally, I feel I can't say everything that needs to be said in a facebook status.
So, here I am. Memorial Day, and alone, and definitely feeling it. Judd has taken off on a road trip for two weeks, where he'll visit all sorts of neat locations and family and even meet up with a friend. First and foremost, I'm beyond happy for him and understand why he chose to go it alone when I could no longer go (had to stay behind for work. Just got a new job which I LOVE and do not want to lose. I can road trip at a later time, no worries).
So, he took off yesterday. He's been calling me, not to report to me, but to share with me fun or interesting things he had the chance to see, and just to keep me involved. I know he wishes I could have gone, and I'm not worried or feeling overly left out of the things he's doing. I don't feel neglected and left behind. My worry comes from an entirely different place.
As most of my friends know, I lost my Grandmother (or as I called her, Mamaw) on December 9th of this past year. I lost my Mama the following day, not even a full 24 hours later. All of this came after a chunk of hospital time for one of my best friends, who I was entirely too scared to lose (and didn't, thank God), and was followed by the passing of a childhood friend on New Year's Day. Then, my own father was hospitalized with pneumonia and I officially went into overdrive in the worry/fear department.
Long story short, and without all of the sadness spelled out in great detail for you, I've had a tough time with surprises, loss, near loss, and unexpected tragedy.
An example of what I've found myself doing since these events played out: My sister came to visit me for a week. When her plane was a bit delayed (but I had no idea at the time), I frantically called her husband to find out if anything had happened, if she'd been delayed, if he'd heard from her. My mind went berserk with "what if" scenarios. It ended up that her connection flight had been delayed and she simply hadn't even had the chance to power up her phone and let me know. My mind was out of control before I even realized it, yet I caught myself sort of doing the same thing when she flew home. I knew when she was supposed to land, and when I didn't hear from her by about two hours later, I was in a full on internal panic. Maybe it sounds silly, or maybe it makes sense. I've just experienced a lot of pain and I have read about cases where people, even if it's done unintentionally, expect "the worst" at times because they've been through very difficult times. I'm a textbook case of this, apparently. I wish I had the reigns on it, but I simply don't yet.
I did the same thing when my dad had his kidney transplant. Yes, he made it through his pneumonia, then on Mother's Day (of all days! He lost his mother and wife within 24 hours of each other right before Christmas), he got the call that we'd all been wanting for years. He had a kidney waiting for him. Another summary for you: He had a very successful transplant, and is now home recuperating.
Yet, after such a positive event was born from months of tragic sadness, I still found myself scared and nervous and worrying over it. For his first week home, I called him on what was almost a set schedule. Mornings, afternoons, evenings. I had to make sure he was doing okay and probably went above and beyond to do so. I have since relaxed because I know that he's a grown man and knows how to take care of himself, but naturally, the fear of anything happening to him can result in me calling to check in as if he were my child, not my father. I'm still trying to understand myself on that matter, lol.
So, now that you've had a few examples of how I've been, we'll discuss Judd's road trip again. As I said before, I'm happy he gets to go and have this experience, and sure, I wish I could have gone, but I get to stay and work and take care of the cats and watch the apartment. That will all work out and he'll be home before I know it, but the "what if's" tend to haunt me a little. Naturally, Judd means the world to me. We're going on 7 years together, he's one of my best friends, if not my absolute best friend in the world. I know he's an adult and can handle himself, and he's probably worried about me being home alone without him. I just think with everything I've been through, I'm beyond overprotective and concerned for my loved ones.
Judd is road tripping and living out of his truck, and camping out in it and I'm not there through the nights to keep him company, or even make sure he gets a full night's sleep. Sure, these are things he can do without, but from my point of view, I just worry. I'm more worried about him camping in the truck than I am about me being home alone. I have rarely considered the "what if's" in my own scenario, lol. That's just the type of person I am. I put everybody else before myself. But sometimes, I just let my mind take over, and that's what I did all last night. I barely slept, and the first thing I did at 8 am was text Judd to find out how everything went. He immediately called me back and everything was fine. It'll just take me a few days to get a grip, I suppose. I have since chilled out on my father, so I know this will pass too.
I guess it's just nice to have a place to say it outside of facebook. My short, stilted answers were probably making friends think that I was some overly possessive girlfriend who wanted Judd to check in hourly and report to me every little thing he was doing, which is absolutely NOT the case. A friend suggested that I needed to have faith in Judd, and that's just the thing. I DO. I have so much faith in him and love him so much, so naturally, I worry for his well being and miss him terribly and will for the next two weeks. It was never an issue of trusting him or having faith in him.
My obstacle is fighting off the negative thoughts and scenarios that, unfortunately, come with losing loved ones. That's the power of grieving for you. The grieving I am doing for lost ones definitely has an effect on everything else I do or feel, to such an extent that I find myself imagining the worst before I can see things clearly or even in an optimistic manner.
I think it's safe to say that Judd will be home before I know it, and until then, I can only look forward to those phone calls and help him enjoy his trip. As soon as he meets up with his friend and family, then I know that will help me tremendously as well, lol.
I can literally only take things one day at a time still. It's a good thing that I already feel that's the best way to handle things anyway. :)
I just needed somewhere to sort of word vomit how I'm feeling today, and hopefully it will help me get it out and be fine. I've been having a small conversation about today with friends on facebook, but the conversation is so stilted and written in short answers, so naturally, I feel I can't say everything that needs to be said in a facebook status.
So, here I am. Memorial Day, and alone, and definitely feeling it. Judd has taken off on a road trip for two weeks, where he'll visit all sorts of neat locations and family and even meet up with a friend. First and foremost, I'm beyond happy for him and understand why he chose to go it alone when I could no longer go (had to stay behind for work. Just got a new job which I LOVE and do not want to lose. I can road trip at a later time, no worries).
So, he took off yesterday. He's been calling me, not to report to me, but to share with me fun or interesting things he had the chance to see, and just to keep me involved. I know he wishes I could have gone, and I'm not worried or feeling overly left out of the things he's doing. I don't feel neglected and left behind. My worry comes from an entirely different place.
As most of my friends know, I lost my Grandmother (or as I called her, Mamaw) on December 9th of this past year. I lost my Mama the following day, not even a full 24 hours later. All of this came after a chunk of hospital time for one of my best friends, who I was entirely too scared to lose (and didn't, thank God), and was followed by the passing of a childhood friend on New Year's Day. Then, my own father was hospitalized with pneumonia and I officially went into overdrive in the worry/fear department.
Long story short, and without all of the sadness spelled out in great detail for you, I've had a tough time with surprises, loss, near loss, and unexpected tragedy.
An example of what I've found myself doing since these events played out: My sister came to visit me for a week. When her plane was a bit delayed (but I had no idea at the time), I frantically called her husband to find out if anything had happened, if she'd been delayed, if he'd heard from her. My mind went berserk with "what if" scenarios. It ended up that her connection flight had been delayed and she simply hadn't even had the chance to power up her phone and let me know. My mind was out of control before I even realized it, yet I caught myself sort of doing the same thing when she flew home. I knew when she was supposed to land, and when I didn't hear from her by about two hours later, I was in a full on internal panic. Maybe it sounds silly, or maybe it makes sense. I've just experienced a lot of pain and I have read about cases where people, even if it's done unintentionally, expect "the worst" at times because they've been through very difficult times. I'm a textbook case of this, apparently. I wish I had the reigns on it, but I simply don't yet.
I did the same thing when my dad had his kidney transplant. Yes, he made it through his pneumonia, then on Mother's Day (of all days! He lost his mother and wife within 24 hours of each other right before Christmas), he got the call that we'd all been wanting for years. He had a kidney waiting for him. Another summary for you: He had a very successful transplant, and is now home recuperating.
Yet, after such a positive event was born from months of tragic sadness, I still found myself scared and nervous and worrying over it. For his first week home, I called him on what was almost a set schedule. Mornings, afternoons, evenings. I had to make sure he was doing okay and probably went above and beyond to do so. I have since relaxed because I know that he's a grown man and knows how to take care of himself, but naturally, the fear of anything happening to him can result in me calling to check in as if he were my child, not my father. I'm still trying to understand myself on that matter, lol.
So, now that you've had a few examples of how I've been, we'll discuss Judd's road trip again. As I said before, I'm happy he gets to go and have this experience, and sure, I wish I could have gone, but I get to stay and work and take care of the cats and watch the apartment. That will all work out and he'll be home before I know it, but the "what if's" tend to haunt me a little. Naturally, Judd means the world to me. We're going on 7 years together, he's one of my best friends, if not my absolute best friend in the world. I know he's an adult and can handle himself, and he's probably worried about me being home alone without him. I just think with everything I've been through, I'm beyond overprotective and concerned for my loved ones.
Judd is road tripping and living out of his truck, and camping out in it and I'm not there through the nights to keep him company, or even make sure he gets a full night's sleep. Sure, these are things he can do without, but from my point of view, I just worry. I'm more worried about him camping in the truck than I am about me being home alone. I have rarely considered the "what if's" in my own scenario, lol. That's just the type of person I am. I put everybody else before myself. But sometimes, I just let my mind take over, and that's what I did all last night. I barely slept, and the first thing I did at 8 am was text Judd to find out how everything went. He immediately called me back and everything was fine. It'll just take me a few days to get a grip, I suppose. I have since chilled out on my father, so I know this will pass too.
I guess it's just nice to have a place to say it outside of facebook. My short, stilted answers were probably making friends think that I was some overly possessive girlfriend who wanted Judd to check in hourly and report to me every little thing he was doing, which is absolutely NOT the case. A friend suggested that I needed to have faith in Judd, and that's just the thing. I DO. I have so much faith in him and love him so much, so naturally, I worry for his well being and miss him terribly and will for the next two weeks. It was never an issue of trusting him or having faith in him.
My obstacle is fighting off the negative thoughts and scenarios that, unfortunately, come with losing loved ones. That's the power of grieving for you. The grieving I am doing for lost ones definitely has an effect on everything else I do or feel, to such an extent that I find myself imagining the worst before I can see things clearly or even in an optimistic manner.
I think it's safe to say that Judd will be home before I know it, and until then, I can only look forward to those phone calls and help him enjoy his trip. As soon as he meets up with his friend and family, then I know that will help me tremendously as well, lol.
I can literally only take things one day at a time still. It's a good thing that I already feel that's the best way to handle things anyway. :)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April Fool's Day
Despite being written on the day that is infamous for jokes, the following truly is not a joke.
Life could always be worse. ALWAYS. I learned that on April Fool's Day.
I think it's fair to say that the last few months for me have been beyond rough. In December, the double loss of my Mother and Grandmother was a shocking and terrible blow. A childhood friend passed soon after, right at the start of the year. So because of things out of my control, holidays that are meant to be happy and celebrated took a quick and bitter turn into miserable and tragic. Since then, I have had other friends in the hospital, and my Father was hospitalized with a nasty case of pneumonia that sent me into pure panic mode.
All of these things seem to have been enhanced by the fact that I work a job I am truly not happy working. The logical suggestion would be to flat out quit and find something else. Why this sounds incredibly tempting, it is something I have severely had to consider over and over again. The job market is crap for everybody, and I can't afford to simply up and quit without a backup plan.
Lately, quitting is starting to look like a more realistic possibility. Sadly, it might be a few more weeks and the place is driving me nuts. Beggars can't be choosers, though, and the fact that the option to leave something that has contributed to my misery even exists should be enough to keep me going. Or so you would think.
The latest thing to knock me down came in the form of my computer hard drive crashing. Out of nowhere a few mornings ago, while trying to check my email, my computer randomly tried to restart itself and never powered up properly again. It has been in the hands of a computer tech for days. The first diagnosis? A viral issue. Easily solved, right? No. He found more wrong. Long story short, I was told that all of my data, including pictures of my late Mother, had been successfully backed up. I was relieved and things looked up again.
But the next day, I received a call which dashed my hopes and left me crying outside of my workplace. The hard drive had been corrupted, and so was the back up. Therefore, the only option was to run a scan on the system that could risk wiping the entire hard drive. After the physical loss of my mother, the first thing I could do was cry to the technician about how pictures are the main things I have left and losing those would be beyond tragic. But what could he do? It was up to me. The choice was to leave the hard drive as it is, and have the pictures truly be gone, OR have him run a scan that had a chance of either saving the data, or erasing it forever. Yesterday, I was on the edge. I felt like I had not only hit the bottom, but I had crashed into every horrible jagged rock on the way down.
This morning, I woke up after sleeping hard. It was not good sleep, it was numb sleep. It was "I'm Done" sleep. I woke up and didn't care about work, was dreading the call from the computer tech, and couldn't make myself perk up for the life of me. I numbly got dressed for work and out the door with enough time to go grab a donut from the store, because I would do anything to avoid most of the nasty work food that is available to me and I was heading into a fairly long shift. Well, my day took a change for the better when I cut through a parking lot instead of taking the sidewalk I normally take.
There was a homeless man in the parking lot, and he had a golf ball he was kicking around, just minding his own business. I can't fully explain it other than to say that he seemed to truly be enjoying his form of entertainment. As he noticed me, he grinned politely, then after a moment of consideration, playfully kicked the ball my way. Considering I needed the pick me up and he was being nice, I gladly accepted and kicked the ball back. He was friendly and appreciated someone stopping to talk for a moment. It was interesting to talk to him. He seemed truly at peace with his situation. He had a rundown bike with all of his belongings strapped to it and wrapped in plastic bags. He wasn't begging for money on a street corner, but he was playing a game in a parking lot with a golf ball. I came along and he simply invited me in and chatted with me for a short while before I had to go on my way. As I talked with him, he didn't once pity himself or act as if he was any different from me. I had to give myself a reality check. Here was a man who made the most of a moment, and seemed to be getting himself through it. It was admirable, to say the least.
So sure, I've been through a lot, but if I may say so, I've done a hell of a job keeping it together. I've been professional about going to work and despite disliking it, or being miserable at it, I've been responsible, earned a paycheck, and for the most part, sucked up any petty issues, despite all of the other things I have going on in my head. Am I a trooper of sorts? I don't mean to toot my own horn, but definitely. I am struggling, but I haven't given up on anything yet. It gets tempting, but I make it through each day the best I can. What else can I do? Days are going to be hard, jobs are going to suck, unfortunate things happen in life, and while there's no way to control any of it, there are ways to control yourself.
The man this morning taught me that life can always be worse. It's as bad as you let it be. He may have been destitute, but he didn't choose to act like it. He chose to be optimistic. He completely changed my day. I got my donut and continued on my way to work, and instead of focusing on how much I dislike the job, I just got through the day and tried to leave it all at work when I clocked out. I also got a voicemail from the computer tech saying that a proper back up had been made on my computer, and the main thing I need to do now is install a new hard drive. My photos seem to be safe, and I have been able to come home and relax a little bit. So yes, while things have been bad, life in general could always get worse. The loss of my loved ones was understandably bad, but I haven't been properly separating my grief from my every day stresses, and in turn, I've made things far more difficult for myself. So while I've done a fairly admirable job keeping it together, I could try not to let the unimportant things (like job stress) take over the truly important things I need to deal with (proper grieving, etc).
I'm still a work in progress, but my reality check today made me realize just how much I've got on my plate and how I need to better handle it all. So now it's just one thing at a time. It's safe to say that the crap job is on the list to be checked off after I get everything back to normal with my computer. I'll get everything together in time. :)
Now,a good April Fool's joke would be to rave about how much I love the job after my little epiphany today.....but that's simply a lie. But am I being a little more rational about how to leave professionally? Definitely.
Life could always be worse. ALWAYS. I learned that on April Fool's Day.
I think it's fair to say that the last few months for me have been beyond rough. In December, the double loss of my Mother and Grandmother was a shocking and terrible blow. A childhood friend passed soon after, right at the start of the year. So because of things out of my control, holidays that are meant to be happy and celebrated took a quick and bitter turn into miserable and tragic. Since then, I have had other friends in the hospital, and my Father was hospitalized with a nasty case of pneumonia that sent me into pure panic mode.
All of these things seem to have been enhanced by the fact that I work a job I am truly not happy working. The logical suggestion would be to flat out quit and find something else. Why this sounds incredibly tempting, it is something I have severely had to consider over and over again. The job market is crap for everybody, and I can't afford to simply up and quit without a backup plan.
Lately, quitting is starting to look like a more realistic possibility. Sadly, it might be a few more weeks and the place is driving me nuts. Beggars can't be choosers, though, and the fact that the option to leave something that has contributed to my misery even exists should be enough to keep me going. Or so you would think.
The latest thing to knock me down came in the form of my computer hard drive crashing. Out of nowhere a few mornings ago, while trying to check my email, my computer randomly tried to restart itself and never powered up properly again. It has been in the hands of a computer tech for days. The first diagnosis? A viral issue. Easily solved, right? No. He found more wrong. Long story short, I was told that all of my data, including pictures of my late Mother, had been successfully backed up. I was relieved and things looked up again.
But the next day, I received a call which dashed my hopes and left me crying outside of my workplace. The hard drive had been corrupted, and so was the back up. Therefore, the only option was to run a scan on the system that could risk wiping the entire hard drive. After the physical loss of my mother, the first thing I could do was cry to the technician about how pictures are the main things I have left and losing those would be beyond tragic. But what could he do? It was up to me. The choice was to leave the hard drive as it is, and have the pictures truly be gone, OR have him run a scan that had a chance of either saving the data, or erasing it forever. Yesterday, I was on the edge. I felt like I had not only hit the bottom, but I had crashed into every horrible jagged rock on the way down.
This morning, I woke up after sleeping hard. It was not good sleep, it was numb sleep. It was "I'm Done" sleep. I woke up and didn't care about work, was dreading the call from the computer tech, and couldn't make myself perk up for the life of me. I numbly got dressed for work and out the door with enough time to go grab a donut from the store, because I would do anything to avoid most of the nasty work food that is available to me and I was heading into a fairly long shift. Well, my day took a change for the better when I cut through a parking lot instead of taking the sidewalk I normally take.
There was a homeless man in the parking lot, and he had a golf ball he was kicking around, just minding his own business. I can't fully explain it other than to say that he seemed to truly be enjoying his form of entertainment. As he noticed me, he grinned politely, then after a moment of consideration, playfully kicked the ball my way. Considering I needed the pick me up and he was being nice, I gladly accepted and kicked the ball back. He was friendly and appreciated someone stopping to talk for a moment. It was interesting to talk to him. He seemed truly at peace with his situation. He had a rundown bike with all of his belongings strapped to it and wrapped in plastic bags. He wasn't begging for money on a street corner, but he was playing a game in a parking lot with a golf ball. I came along and he simply invited me in and chatted with me for a short while before I had to go on my way. As I talked with him, he didn't once pity himself or act as if he was any different from me. I had to give myself a reality check. Here was a man who made the most of a moment, and seemed to be getting himself through it. It was admirable, to say the least.
So sure, I've been through a lot, but if I may say so, I've done a hell of a job keeping it together. I've been professional about going to work and despite disliking it, or being miserable at it, I've been responsible, earned a paycheck, and for the most part, sucked up any petty issues, despite all of the other things I have going on in my head. Am I a trooper of sorts? I don't mean to toot my own horn, but definitely. I am struggling, but I haven't given up on anything yet. It gets tempting, but I make it through each day the best I can. What else can I do? Days are going to be hard, jobs are going to suck, unfortunate things happen in life, and while there's no way to control any of it, there are ways to control yourself.
The man this morning taught me that life can always be worse. It's as bad as you let it be. He may have been destitute, but he didn't choose to act like it. He chose to be optimistic. He completely changed my day. I got my donut and continued on my way to work, and instead of focusing on how much I dislike the job, I just got through the day and tried to leave it all at work when I clocked out. I also got a voicemail from the computer tech saying that a proper back up had been made on my computer, and the main thing I need to do now is install a new hard drive. My photos seem to be safe, and I have been able to come home and relax a little bit. So yes, while things have been bad, life in general could always get worse. The loss of my loved ones was understandably bad, but I haven't been properly separating my grief from my every day stresses, and in turn, I've made things far more difficult for myself. So while I've done a fairly admirable job keeping it together, I could try not to let the unimportant things (like job stress) take over the truly important things I need to deal with (proper grieving, etc).
I'm still a work in progress, but my reality check today made me realize just how much I've got on my plate and how I need to better handle it all. So now it's just one thing at a time. It's safe to say that the crap job is on the list to be checked off after I get everything back to normal with my computer. I'll get everything together in time. :)
Now,a good April Fool's joke would be to rave about how much I love the job after my little epiphany today.....but that's simply a lie. But am I being a little more rational about how to leave professionally? Definitely.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Evan and Julian
“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.”
Amen, Albert Schweitzer. I couldn't agree more.
Today was a day off and I couldn't have been more grateful. Yesterday was a horrible, stressful day at work so I was beyond relieved to have a full day off to myself to think things over. I'm beyond fortunate to have a great boyfriend and our feline friends to keep me company. They are my sanity the majority of the time. Music fills in all of the other gaps quite well.
I took some quick pictures during our lazy afternoon together and I felt like sharing. So, I hope you guys enjoy my babies as much as I do. :)
That's Julian, looking rather smarmy. :P
My sweet Evan with his regular "surprised" expression.
Julian, again. He reminds me of a Burmese here.
and I know it's a fairly dark shot of Evan, but it was so incredibly sweet, the way he was sleeping. :D
anyhoo, those are my babies and they helped make my day today. :)
Amen, Albert Schweitzer. I couldn't agree more.
Today was a day off and I couldn't have been more grateful. Yesterday was a horrible, stressful day at work so I was beyond relieved to have a full day off to myself to think things over. I'm beyond fortunate to have a great boyfriend and our feline friends to keep me company. They are my sanity the majority of the time. Music fills in all of the other gaps quite well.
I took some quick pictures during our lazy afternoon together and I felt like sharing. So, I hope you guys enjoy my babies as much as I do. :)
That's Julian, looking rather smarmy. :P
My sweet Evan with his regular "surprised" expression.
Julian, again. He reminds me of a Burmese here.
and I know it's a fairly dark shot of Evan, but it was so incredibly sweet, the way he was sleeping. :D
anyhoo, those are my babies and they helped make my day today. :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
How I came to be Boogie.
My real name is Kristen, but I am a person who, throughout 27 years, has had many different monikers.
The first that I can remember is "Dude". My family called me this for years. As with many of my nicknames, they just sort of naturally evolved. "Dude" turned into "Dud" for a bit, as my sisters felt like being mean, typical older sisters. It didn't last long. :P
I remember a time in grade school when a friend and I had code names when we'd pass notes. Mine was "Monty". I chose it because it was my favorite character in a book at the time. That same friend shortened my birthname to "Kris", which worked for a while.
My oldest sister started calling me "The Beast" after a while, and that spread out to family friends, and even my best friend's dad decided to inform me every time a made-for-tv film about an octopus called "The Beast" was scheduled to come on tv.
Another was "Keebler" because of my height, given to me by a guy who continues to be my friend today and still snickers over the fact that he shouted it out to me when I was student of the month in junior high and had to walk up on stage to get my certificate. Ahh, good times. LOL
Most of those nicknames have stopped being used, and many new ones have come into play. "Keebler", however, has come back to haunt me in the form of "Keebs", when one of my best friends from college stepped in and, without knowledge of my past, labeled me with a variation. :P Another nickname, simply my intitials "KB", sometimes spelled as "KayBee", was another popular favorite during that time.
Another one of my best friends has forever called me "Krissy" for short, and that has spread now into friends from all over. "Loohoo" is also a popular one. All of these names have been severely special to me over time, but I think the one I get called now takes the cake.
"Boogie".
I NEVER thought I'd be called this. I remember knowing a woman during my childhood that had this nickname, and I remember comparing it to the boogie man, and finding it utterly ridiculous to ever call a woman that. I would NEVER let someone call me that! How stuuuupid! ,I'd say.
That all changed when my first born niece, uttering some of her first words, started calling me "Boogie" out of nowhere on a broken record setting.
"Boogiiiiieee!Booogiee!Booogiiiiie!Boogieboogieboogie!BOOGIEEEEBOOGGGIIEEEEEBOOGIEEE!!"
LOL, I can still hear it now and it's like music to my ears, despite how it reads on this blog. This child has become one of my best little friends, and I believe that people are put into your life for a reason. Some people, you are just MEANT to know and be a part of each others lives. Boy, does she EVER fit into that category.
So, my entire family, including the niece and two nephews that followed the first, ALL refer to me as Boogie now. Even my Dad, both sisters and their families, and my late mother....I was Boogie to everybody, and I honestly think I could stop there with the nicknames. Any other name will never top this one. It just goes to show you to never say never. I never figured I'd be called a name that I thought was ridiculous, much less come to love it. I was beyond wrong. :D
Every time I hear Michael Jackson and his brothers sing "Blame it on the Boogie", I have to laugh because my family likes to joke that EVERYTHING my niece does can be blamed on me. That's probably very true. :P
Here's a pic of me and my Joselyn.
and here's the Blame it on the Boogie video by The Jacksons, just for kicks.
The first that I can remember is "Dude". My family called me this for years. As with many of my nicknames, they just sort of naturally evolved. "Dude" turned into "Dud" for a bit, as my sisters felt like being mean, typical older sisters. It didn't last long. :P
I remember a time in grade school when a friend and I had code names when we'd pass notes. Mine was "Monty". I chose it because it was my favorite character in a book at the time. That same friend shortened my birthname to "Kris", which worked for a while.
My oldest sister started calling me "The Beast" after a while, and that spread out to family friends, and even my best friend's dad decided to inform me every time a made-for-tv film about an octopus called "The Beast" was scheduled to come on tv.
Another was "Keebler" because of my height, given to me by a guy who continues to be my friend today and still snickers over the fact that he shouted it out to me when I was student of the month in junior high and had to walk up on stage to get my certificate. Ahh, good times. LOL
Most of those nicknames have stopped being used, and many new ones have come into play. "Keebler", however, has come back to haunt me in the form of "Keebs", when one of my best friends from college stepped in and, without knowledge of my past, labeled me with a variation. :P Another nickname, simply my intitials "KB", sometimes spelled as "KayBee", was another popular favorite during that time.
Another one of my best friends has forever called me "Krissy" for short, and that has spread now into friends from all over. "Loohoo" is also a popular one. All of these names have been severely special to me over time, but I think the one I get called now takes the cake.
"Boogie".
I NEVER thought I'd be called this. I remember knowing a woman during my childhood that had this nickname, and I remember comparing it to the boogie man, and finding it utterly ridiculous to ever call a woman that. I would NEVER let someone call me that! How stuuuupid! ,I'd say.
That all changed when my first born niece, uttering some of her first words, started calling me "Boogie" out of nowhere on a broken record setting.
"Boogiiiiieee!Booogiee!Booogiiiiie!Boogieboogieboogie!BOOGIEEEEBOOGGGIIEEEEEBOOGIEEE!!"
LOL, I can still hear it now and it's like music to my ears, despite how it reads on this blog. This child has become one of my best little friends, and I believe that people are put into your life for a reason. Some people, you are just MEANT to know and be a part of each others lives. Boy, does she EVER fit into that category.
So, my entire family, including the niece and two nephews that followed the first, ALL refer to me as Boogie now. Even my Dad, both sisters and their families, and my late mother....I was Boogie to everybody, and I honestly think I could stop there with the nicknames. Any other name will never top this one. It just goes to show you to never say never. I never figured I'd be called a name that I thought was ridiculous, much less come to love it. I was beyond wrong. :D
Every time I hear Michael Jackson and his brothers sing "Blame it on the Boogie", I have to laugh because my family likes to joke that EVERYTHING my niece does can be blamed on me. That's probably very true. :P
Here's a pic of me and my Joselyn.
and here's the Blame it on the Boogie video by The Jacksons, just for kicks.
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